Mastery of self brings the wisdom, ability, stamina and focus to wield the power we already have. It is in the building of the ability, that we open the channels and remove the blocks that keep us from our own power and more importantly, gain the ability to control, focus and utilize it like the changers and creators we are. But first we must apply it to ourselves. We are the tool, the weapon, the focus and we are also the masters of that tool. The tool, the ability, is only as good as the one wielding it.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
On rejection and it's attraction...
Why do we seek love from what or those who will reject us? Why do we chase what does not rush to embrace us? How often do we seek acceptance and companionship with those who turn us down with excuses, brush offs, avoidance and snooty nose in the air rudeness? In reality what are we really seeking by doing this? Why do we believe we can get what we are seeking from such a blatantly bare cupboard source? And most importantly, why do we subject ourselves to such rejection?
For most of us this issue comes from a two fold perspective, attraction to blocks and the inability to understand the process. On one hand, tracing it back to our childhood, we most often times had someone we loved, adored and looked up to, a parent, friend etc who devalued us by the way they treated us or spoke to or about us. Often times we let this go unchallenged and for the mind, something that goes unchallenged is accepted as a truth ie you went along with it so therefore it must be what you want to experience. This sets us up for relationship's that are filled with rejection, bad treatment and even abuse, from minor to major. It gets especially hard when it spills over into our love relationships. Those with this background programming will seek out what attracts them but will consistently get repulsed by the very thing they seek out, now ask yourself why? Well for starters there's nothing wrong with seeking love but with this scenario going on, it's a clear indicator that your soul is drawing you to the source of the rejection through the attraction to it. Our soul draws us through attraction, to the very blocks we need to figure out and on the other side of those blocks is the very thing we really are seeking. So the challenge is to understand why our energy of love is not connecting to another. This is tied to value or worth. If we feel like we are being rejected by those who are 'better' then us in our eyes, then our soul is trying to tell us we are better then we think we are. If we feel like they devalue us for whatever reason, looks, manner, opinion, sex appeal, mind, strength, weakness etc we can instantly know that these are the very things we devalue about ourselves and simply because we have been given a message from another who also did not value this part of themselves. The truth is love accepts all as it is. It finds beauty everywhere, power even in peace, strength even in 'weakness', sex appeal in character and feeling, stimulation in opinion, expression in manner, depth below the superficial and it does not judge or reject for anyone or anything being unique in their expression of their own brand of love. So we are drawn to discovery, to lay our hands on that wall we bang our heads against, to speak to it, to know it, to gently take it down, brick by brick, with thankfulness for it's teachings of what we are not.
So you are attracted to rejection in an invitation to understand that this is not love, not you, this is painful and hurts you and does not connect you to the lover. The second problem simply deals with not understanding whats going on during this invitation and how to use it to free yourself to the love you seek. Tearing down this metaphorical wall allows the love to reciprocate, until then you must bear with the lesson the wall has to teach, once you understand, you will change.
So I will bare it all yet again lol, as I have been walking through this morass of rejection for many years myself. So as an example, I will demonstrate how this affected me. When I was a child, my father wanted a boy, my mother didn't want me period until later on in her pregnancy, this set the stage for the program. Already before birth I had a father who wanted my 'opposite' and a mother who didn't want me. As I grew up, my opinion was severely curbed and discouraged, the line being "well 'God' said so, who are you to question 'God'?" I was taught through this that I was lower then those in 'God' ie leader and elder positions. I was taught that my feelings, needs and desires were not important, that I had no say in my life or choices, I was to shut up, follow and agree. Translate that into subconscious symbolism and you have a person who is not 'worth' anything to anyone, who's needs are not considered and in that context they are rejected and not valued or returned.
It got so bad for me that it shut down my ability to communicate my worth at all, resulting in offering but no response. Stuck in a childlike phase of 'please love me mommy/daddy' it also colored any so called relationships I had by demanding I work extremely hard to prove my worth ie by pushing me into the mother/father role of giving but not receiving, offering but no return and others viewing me as a convenience to be used but not cherished. And sadly until yesterday, I did not fully grasp the entirety of what was happening even though I've been hammering away at this for most of my life.
The truth is this: we are valuable and worthy. We are acceptable and our needs, voice etc are invaluable to this world and others. First we must accept this, our light should not be hidden or thought less of, it has value because it lights up our soul and others hearts in the darkness of thinking we are alone. To often we shut away our light because of disappointments and rejections, feeling that if others don't value us then we are not of value at all. The truth cannot be farther from this! We must value ourselves, accept ourselves and choose wisely off of this knowledge. So next time or even this time, we are attracted to another, pause and ask yourself a few questions. How do I feel...and not just feel but pay attention to any feelings of 'not worthy' or 'they are so much better then me, please pick me though", if there's a sick knot in your stomach saying 'they aren't going to approve of me', then RED FLAG, stop. Go sort out your issues before approaching this person, only approach if after you understand why your feeling unworthy, you still feel attraction and re-evaluate how you feel about them. Often times the attraction is to the needed understanding and not the particular person. We almost always get real attraction and attraction to our problem mixed up, finding it hard to differentiate between the two.
So to differentiate: pay attention to the feelings of unworthiness, nausea, timidity and fear etc, or of synchronicity, peace, acceptance, joy and mutual sharing, these are a good indicator of why your being drawn to any particular person. When it comes down to a person feeling like a 'soul mate', these often are agreements we made before birth to work through these issues of worth and love, which we find almost irresistible, due to our need to address and fix our self view. Those who are not here to draw us into understanding are here to enjoy us and themselves, it is not a huge 'omg I have my work cut out for me' moment, it's an 'I can relax, trust, laugh, speak and enjoy the pleasure of their company'. Now go, remember back to your beginnings and find the roots of your brick wall, see it for what it is, then turn around and look at it's opposite, know there is no block to love or relating except in how you view yourself, how that energy broadcasts to others and how you both interpret that particular signal.
The Symbol of Experience
So many people today, live the symbol of an experience but never seek to know the authentic experience itself, assuming the symbol is itself the experience, rather then seeking to understand the symbol to find the authentic experience. They accept only a mere hint, of a shadow, of what the depth, breadth and color of the naked skin to skin reality holds.
On Soul mates...
The deeper the desire for a "soul mate", the deeper the separation and compartmentalization of the parts of self. Oh I know that's not what we want to hear but it is true. This is why we fall in love. Each person we fall in love with is a soul invitation to love the parts of ourselves reflected in the one we love. This is why we love many times in our life. We can choose not to love this part of our self, breakup, divorce and find the same mirror in another, perhaps presented in a way we can accept in time. Or face it and accept it fully aware of what we are achieving. Soul mates bring out the wounded, the separated, the ignored, the hated and gives for a short time a taste of how sweet acceptance of these parts of self can be, and then asks us if we are ready to actually accept our self by mirroring our pain at the self judgement etc in our partner and them in us. Most often we are not. Yet we keep asking desperately for our soul mate, angry in reality that we could not love ourselves as we are, angry at the treatment we give ourselves reflected in our partners eyes and oh the list goes on. Relationships should not be this hard. But its a perfect picture of our relationship with ourselves. How difficult we make our lives to be...
Universal Law- To find truth
To know the truth, what is seen is not as important as what is not seen. Point for point and extreme for extreme, what is seen will have an equal opposite. The combination of both will tell you how close to truth something is by this simple formula: the farther apart the extremes, the less true nature it holds and the more close to the death/decay cycle it is. The closer to center balance both extremes are, the more truth and thereby LIFE sustaining it will be. Natural law breaks apart by separation and creates by union. Wholeness is union and growing thriving life. Separation is decay and death for re-utilization of something that could not sustain life.
It's a lot like play dough...
What you fear, hate, avoid or dislike, is your energy and personal power being shown to you as you use it right now. You can change its use at any time. To change it, you have to understand its real use, how it works and why. Then like any tool, begin to use it for what you choose to express. It takes time to learn but when you begin to use it for you and stop judging your use of it by others standards, the negative turns positive and you can not only use it to build instead of destroy but also to destroy to make room to build. Your energy is neutral. You choose its use. Its use is reflected like a mirror in world around you via people and experiences. Its a lot like play dough.
Who you have become....
Our mind and Soul work like this: as we are born and grow, our mind is imprinted or "programmed" from our mother and "learns" a core set of operating beliefs to run off of what IT recognizes as truth because YOU accepted the programming as truth at the time of input and didn't challenge it. If these beliefs are True, then there isn't any problem and you are running at 100% optimal operation and make superman look like a weenie. If however you truths are false and run contrary to your true nature, yet your mind will still regard them as true because YOU do. Your Soul however is your true nature and only Truth. It is the balance keeper, doctor, healer etc and will scream in your face about the untrue beliefs, the lies via the world, people and experiences around you. It makes your lies unbearable so you will seek the truth of who you really are so as to heal you, balance you and bring you to your optimum. It makes it vital to your life to find your authentic self under the bullshit. As a side effect of this process it makes life happier, more pleasurable and easier because your not fighting the flow of natures power and wealth through you as you.
If you didn't know- Challenge
If you didn't know what you looked like. If you had never seen your reflection. How much more fluid would you self conception be? What if your only definition of you was how you felt and functioned? Could you go a week or a month, what about a year without a mirror, considering you bathed daily etc? Defining yourself by happiness, how you felt, and how well you functioned. How would this change your life? How would this change you?
Nothing Hidden...
There is nothing hidden that is not seen. Every thought, emotion and belief, true or false is broadcast for the world to see and mirrored in those around us. It is written in flesh, shouted in words and translated in action. We cannot lie. We may only deny. Truth of our accepted denial is seen by any with the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart to understand. We are only blind in the collusion with those who are also in denial and support our wounds, illness and victim hood. Know that where we suffer or are hurt by others, therein lies our denial, our lie, our inauthentic self crying out for redemption, for death, for rebirth as our true nature, our true self. With that tool, that lantern, the world and our shadows are visible plain as the beat of our heart that tells us we yet live and must live whole, authentic and free. Look and you shall see, seek and ye shall find.
Dear Boy's
Dear Boy's: I hear a lot of you talk about women as sluts and whores and easy because they fuck you on the first meeting etc. That they aren't worth time, your time, or feelings because they didn't value or respect themselves enough to fend you off, get to know you or perhaps if they are doing it with you then must be doing it with a lot of other guys.
What about your respect for yourself? You, this life is a two way street, a mirror of ourselves in the people, experiences and interactions around us. How is a woman to respect you if you just want to hop into bed with her without knowing who she is or who your sharing your energy with? If this is the kind of woman you attract, it says a lot about you. It says you are not willing or have not sought to know yourself. It says you are OK with being broken and looking for someone outside yourself to fix you. It says you do not love yourself or take care of anything beyond a basic physical surface level. It says your emotions are un-reached, your sexuality un-grown, your mental thought process is not open or changing etc etc.
It is the responsibility of both man and woman to find partners willing to grow, change, mature and most importantly to move beyond level one sexuality, emotions, spirituality and physicality. Take your time, respect yourself and know yourself. Time spent on you and a woman is growth no matter the turn out, because you learn. Killing growth in yourself and enabling in others is immaturity, fear and insecurity. No man or warrior worth his salt would take such a shameful path or allow such disrespect of person, sexuality, emotions etc. Think about it. Stop blaming everyone around you and treat yourself with the respect due. Learn. Grow. Become a mature, wise and respected man.
Woman and Wealth
Money is masculine. Abundance is feminine. All things pertaining to money, its making, collecting etc is done through a masculine structure of work, buying, selling etc. Abundance is through natural flow, what is needed or wanted is traded, bartered, created and received or given. The problems with women making a rich abundant life is they equate it to money and try to bring it through that very rigid, structured, limited way. As women we are receivers, makers, creators, healers etc etc, work, money and all its structures are based upon the buying and selling of those creations, resources and free gifts of nature. THIS DOES NOT WORK. When manifesting abundance for your life it does not come from money or work, its comes freely as a trade of equal service and energy in a multitude of ways. Women who succeed in the money/work world end up men in woman skin suits to do so. STOP thinking like a man, let the money and work mindset go completely, learn to receive, knowing all things are there for you and will come whichever way is natural. Surrender to your inner cornucopia and allow manifestation which ever way it comes. We block this by expecting what we want to come via the masculine structure of money and work, this isnt natural or right. So when creating abundance, let the money go, its useless except to buy and sell living, growing, creations. It does not mean it will not come to you but it will expect to be used rightly for RESOURCES to create with, not finished creations. Manifest things, food, homes, etc etc and then be open and allow them to come whichever way they choose. Drop the money/work attitude, its killing your natural creative energy that brings abundance to you naturally. The more you create, the more you receive to create with.
On Being Feminine...
As women, when we run low, get tired or feel all used up, our response is "fight on", "soldier on" and "chin up, fight harder". And while there are times on the rare instance that that is the proper response, it is not the normal right response. This is a masculine response, not a natural feminine response. What this does is harden our hearts, dry up our creativity and saps our natural creation energy/power. The right response for our feminine body, is surrender. Now this isnt what its been made out to be by our society. Surrender is, being unmoveable like earth and flowing like water. Finding the calm unchangeable center, deeply rooted and diamond strength and from there release the burden, let go of the reins and like water see no resistance within and without that can be held, stopped or resisted. Become the heart of the ocean and create your own song, your own paradise, sing it, feel it, embody it and trust it is. And whenever you find yourself struggling, STOP, return to that place and live from within the magick of your surrender, its flow, its beat, its irresistable rhythm that nothing, no one can stop or change or resist. This is goddess energy, feminine energy, your birthright in this body, in this time. Stop imitating the male response that breaks and drys and limits the feminine limitless power of creation, life and love.
On Punishment
External security is a direct effect of internal security. When facing lawsuits, tickets or any form of governmental punishment, look internally for thought patterns along the lines of: punishment equals love (parental imprint), not following what you know to be right, allowing others to drive your actions etc, compromising truths or hiding/ignoring guilt, pain, sadness etc. When you are authentically you, following your own internal truth/security functions, the external "law" (right or wrong) has no interest in you. External law was established for those living in opposition to truth which is also in opposition to freedom. There is no punishment for those who do not punish themselves. All forms of punishment are outplays of this malfunction.
On Helping...
Helping, is the deeply entrenched idea that we can change someone else's life, thoughts, beliefs or feelings... No. You can inspire them if they choose to be inspired, love them if they choose to be loved, motivate if they desire to be motivated etc but YOU cannot HELP them, THEY help themselves. By choosing better ways of thinking, believing, acting, getting up, learning, optimism, hope, focus etc etc. The only help we provide each other is the mirror to see our own broken selves and with that view, a choice to walk away and forget, fix it by changing it, or beating ourselves up over it. Those we "help" are a choice to engage the broken in ourselves, so we can face it and hopefully heal it.
On Initiation...
A society that rejects the energies, archetypes, gifts and abilities beyond sight, a society that withdraws itself from the whole of nature being and behavior and sets itself up as ruler over and not ruler within, a society that does not accept, teach and initiate into full potential and power of the person, is a society of mentally ill, physically sick, emotionally starved and crippled people. We need to use our full potential or at least begin to move in that direction, for our society and humanity as a whole to begin to heal on all levels. Reintegration within the blueprint of Nature Life is crucial for the survival and evolution of humanity.
On Death...
What we might deem as Natures cruelty is in fact the greatest kindness, the greatest love that can be given. What cannot be healthy, what cannot be whole, what cannot survive to enhance the greater whole of her body, she release to recycle and nourish that which is not. There is no death or illness that does not serve the purpose of freedom from pain and entrapment in suffering, to change into another form free of such terrible limits. What is cruel today is a doorway to a new form that does not suffer. And while we may miss that and those who walk through that doorway, they have in that moment become a part of ourselves that cannot ever be forgotten or lost but only loved in another form, in another way.
We Are
We are merely the the voice that Nature speaks, the ears through which she hears, the body through which she feels, the skin with which she may touch us, the spirit so she may talk through us, the soul so she may learn and teach through us and our heart so she may Love. There is no part of us that is not Nature nor no part of Nature that is not us. We are Life itself, defined only by the limits of our understanding and comprehension, by how big our heart and how deep our Love.
Reality of being
Illusion is that there is separation. What is physical, is emotional, is spiritual, is mental, is real. Where one problem exists, it exists on all planes of our being. Reality is made of ALL. The only illusion besides that are the ones we willingly co-create with others to attempt to hide the truth of our beings, and that's where living gets gnarly.
On Addictions
Anything in life can become an addiction but what makes it an addiction is the absolute craving that overrides sense and logic, becoming part of an instinctual drawing to examine what is deforming or depriving our lives. If there is an addiction I haven't included and your interested in its meaning (and it can be anything at all) comment and I will post about it.
Addictions and Symptoms:
Alcohol: lack of spirit connection
Heroin: lack of love
Meth: lack of utilizing full potential
Cocaine: lack of movement in life due to beliefs
E: lack of wonder and openness
Marijuana: lack of trust and surrender
Cigarettes: desire for more spiritual interaction and communication
Sugar: lack of sweet and good things in life
Food: lack of nourishment and receiving
Obesity: lack of security and inability to release
Chocolate: lack of sexual fulfillment
Ice cream: lack of mothering and comfort
Salt: lack of variety, a bland life
Spicy: lack of passion
Pain: lack of pleasure and feeling
Cutting: lack of protection, loss of energy
Speed: lack of action, procrastination
Doctors: lack of personal power, victim mentality
Eye's of Truth
Those who truly know the truth, no longer see the mirror of themselves reflected back. They see the truth of all realities and life and accept that all realities and all of life is themselves. When you look into their eyes, they are bottomless, fathomless, you do not see yourself reflected there, rather you see the truth of all. There is no longer any resistance within them to the flow of life exactly as it is. They are a calm multiverse of unlimited potentiality, pure in its essence and powerful in its expression of Nature unbent from the lies of self illusion that most of humanity is so trapped within.
Reason's Why
Reasons Why-
I put you in power, so I do not have to take responsibility for my actions. So I do not have to own, my own. So I can be numb, not feel the pain I inflict upon myself and yourself. I put you in power to keep me safe, so I do not have to take responsibility for my opinions, my lifestyle, my imprint on life. I blame you, when things go wrong, when the scales are no longer tipped unfairly in my favor, when nature takes from me to let another live, in the sun, for one moment. And I always cast a shadow on another's day, because I fear their responsibility, that has become their power, will shine upon my true face, and show me, to be weak. I blame you, because I am a fraud, a shell, because your light shows my securities, my safety net to be unnecessary if only, I would take responsibility for my power. For my actions, thoughts, blindness, fears, desires. I blame you, so I don't have to be egregious to the eyes and opinions of the blind, the deaf and the silent.
Friday, January 9, 2015
On Dragons...
When you look a "Dragon" in the eye, you will see your death. You will see your flesh crispy, burn and melt from your bones. Your armor turn to dust, your sword shattered, your sheild to useless shards. You will see the agony and pain, feel the fear and horror. Do not run. Stand and allow this stripping to bone. For you will transform from the weakness of fear into the bare, raw elemental power of a true human being. A human born into unlimited worlds, a force to reckoned with. From this point on you will bear the heart of the "Dragon" you faced as your own, fused and irrevocably joined in power and motion, wisdom and force.
If I Told You...
If I told you dreams were made of you and that life in all its awe and complexity, was the creation of a minuscule portion of your brain. That God was not "out there" but your own divine and real self. That those around you always express love for you even if it is through teaching about our self misconceptions, our miscarriages of character and our blind addictions to hate and pain. If I told you the child you bore and whose hand you hold is as much you as you are him. That the sun that burns, resides not in the heavens but that the heavens reside in you and that the sun, that brilliant fiery power sits blissfully drifting, tethered gently below your heart. That oceans surge and roar to the moon beat of your blood and bond. And that your thoughts are programs of both your experiences and your ancestors and even more importantly that you can rewrite them at will. So the next time you feel small or unworthy, useless or a waste of space, consider that you and I are Love and Life experiencing itself and coming to the understanding of what we are and are not. That we are vast and infinite and that without you or I this thing called life and the experience of love would not exist.
I apologize...
I apologize for forgetting where I came from, who I once was and what I went through to become who I am today. I was once afraid, weak, helpless, victim, raped, beaten and abused, neglected and unloved, depressed, powerless, naive, self hating, self punishing, guilty, jealous, rage filled, lost and broken. Who I am today is a process that is on going every day I wake and every night I sleep. It is a commitment of Love to myself to heal my mind, body, soul, heart and spirit of the self illusions I accepted about myself. I cannot forget, for in forgetting I cannot hold out my hand to those who walk the same path I have walked, nor hold the hands that reach out to me in the dark hours of my own journey to Love.
To Know
To know means to record in one's memory; but to understand means to blend with the thing and to assimilate it into oneself. -Egyptian proverb
Love is like Lightening
Love is like lightening. The most natural all powerful, motivating, elemental force of life. We fear love because like lightening, it is pure life force and as in life it destroys all that stands in its way of expressing and creating. To effectively love, we have to be fully whole in ourselves and connected to all of life. Any blockages will be destroyed to build connection. When we fall in love or connect to its energy, it sweeps through us and our life removing obstacles, limits and restrictions in any form, from people to beliefs to life situations etc. Its ultimate goal and design as the most irresistible force in living is to realize full mastery through human form in all its variations. The key to not getting blown to bits, to loosing ourselves without getting lost is to surrender to its master design and allow the rewiring of all that resists its goal. So fear loves power only if you resist it or if you are brave enough, let it strip you down and rewire you into the being of love you were designed to be.
Components of Life: Poem 2013
We are the divergence of immortality and death, of light and thought, tacked here with the pin of mind and madness, dreamt up in the shadows of a newborns first moment of connection.
Conjoined in the static of impulse to all of life's breath, set in action by the redesigning of structural decay.
Who are you and who am I, components of emotion and fire, brought together by cellular orgy and cohesion, of heart and head and body, brought raw in pain and pleasure. Finding through this portal the essence of Love and Living.
Home...
We all as humans need to find somewhere deep, deep within our hearts in a place only we know, to find it, claim it as home and learn it well. So that when the world has gone mad and we have lost our way, we can go deep into our heart and find home. To let it be our guide, to let it be our compass, to let it be truly, that home is where our heart is.
Conjure Man's Heart Poem- 2013
The world isn't kind to a conjure mans heart, it teaches him elements by breaking him, power by bending him and focus by challenging him. Her chaos waits for his power to give it form, his love to breathe its life and his soul to connect and contain it. Gods aren't born, they are made in the crucible of life, their strength is earned, their power paid for and their wisdom in blood and pain and flesh.
Set free... 2013
I have been pulled by the moon and swept by the sea, drawn in by the fire of desire and in your love set free.
Adventures of Self
Discovery: if we viewed life and love etc as explorers of a foreign planet, we would be far less inclined to judge by preconceived false ideals. In relationships it wouldn't be about what we can get or even so much need, but about exploring ourselves through the other person. We wouldn't abandon others for being unexplored but would with courage appreciate the harsh and the temperate, learning to navigate and thrive in new and ever challenging experiences. Finding nourishment where it is instead of where we think it should or might be. We would not blame the elements of others for the experiences we have rather we would adapt to survive and grow to thrive no matter the climate or surroundings.
The Miracle of You...
"Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle. But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly. Dry your eyes... and let's go home.”
Love what you love...
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. -Mary Oliver
All the worlds...
All the worlds that have ever been, that are now or ever will be, collide within each one of us and explode into a unique expression of a new world tailored to the experience our soul desires to know and play in.
Body Ties Poem- 2013
Burning brilliance underneath the skin, like the summer sun, trapped within, like oceans born and died, desserts ripped from exotic tides. Kept from becoming another star, a universe, all to itself by the woven dreams, ties of blood and bone. Worlds of foreign power, brought into breath and inarticulate in their un-measurable scope, all living within the body born of love and sin.
Love at first sight
Speaking of which....we fall in love at first sight every time. The problem we encounter is all the walls we've built to protect ourselves from hurt, the scars, the numb spots, these all blind us to what happens in that beautiful moment our heart, soul and spirit conspire to fulfill our dreams. Because of them we cant see, hear or believe until its been examined and proven and repeated over and over, and even then we walk around for years just waiting for the to good to be true.
Broken Masks Poem- 2013
Stripped of masks, raw and shaking, staring into the mirrored water with hands submerged and heart thirsty. Desire runs like fire born of blood and birthed in secret thoughts. Do we hide and save our secret selves from fear and fear alone or do we throw our arms wide and embrace life, rising from the ashes of our broken masks and hidden brilliance.
Transformance Poem- 2013
I feel like a world unto myself, an entire planet let loose in the far quadrant of space, alone and unexplored. So far out from the exploring race that interest catches like burning fire in their blood but dies in the time it takes, to build those rainbow bridges of heart and strength and soul...I've become an entirely separate species, strange and foreign to outside observers scopes. Liquefied and magnetic, compelling and hypnotic, I've many moons, reflected in my eyes, and an inner phosphorescence just under my skin that if stroked would glow and heat with the strong hidden beat of my heart. Oh and if you speak to me it reverberates, like inner thunder, lightening struck wonder and bursts in a shimmer through my eyes, where for a moment you can gather the understanding of my Love, my devotion and my longings.....
Soul diagnosis...
Even by hating you, yelling at you, ignoring you, rejecting you, trying to hurt you...it is ironically still an expression of Love in that these teach you about the parts of your self you hate, abuse, ignore, reject and hurt. The poison contains the cure and the experience, the diagnosis of the mental/emotional/spiritual/physical "disease". -the cure: ingestion and acceptance of the truth.
Universal law....
Some things must pass away so that others may grow. The things that cannot be sustained in a healthy and balanced way, must decay to make room and feed those things that can. This is the major law ruling motion, matter and all things living and dying, energy decay and flow, emotion, focus, transference between matter states, spiritual evolution, alignment, cycles etc etc. Now apply this understanding to daily life. How will you use it to empower and direct your life?
Perfection Vs Mastery
Perfection. How many of us have said we are perfectionists? I have at one point in time called myself this... I don't anymore. Perfectionism is a slippery hole to get stuck in. One minute it starts out simple, you just want one thing to be 'just so', next thing you know your obsessing over other things, getting all upset when things aren't just how we imagine. There is a difference between Perfectionism and Mastery. Perfectionism reroutes your energy to maintain an un-natural state of stasis. It attempts to stop the flow of change, and idolizes the height of achievement; however we determine that, and attempts to re-live that achievement state forever. Mastery on the other hand, by its very nature, is about learning, achieving and moving on to the next learning cycle. It is about Progression. It does not attempt to hold the achievement as the state of being. Perfectionism is flawed in that it keeps you stuck attempting to fit an organic process and being into a robotic repeat. You stop learning because your achievement has been reached. Mastery though, teaches that once a level has been mastered, you will now build on that level. It quite realistically is the difference between a mobile home and an oak tree. One will be stuck being maintained against natural decomposition, and will eventually fall into a pile of junk. The other just keeps growing and getting stronger and bigger, gaining wisdom and history, giving back to where it came from. So Mastery is something to strive for, it is a solid foundation to build yourself through. Mastery does not demand you be perfect, only willing and able. It pushes you to grow, challenges you to overcome and understand. It causes you to think differently, solve obstacles and move with least resistance for greatest change. So please stop attempting to put yourself in a perfect box, with a perfect life and a perfect self. Instead learn yourself as you are, dig deep, listen to your heart, talk to your liver, know your bones, be guided by your instincts. The more you do this the more you understand and master yourself, your energy, your life. Mastery is all about connecting deep within and using that power, that chi, to move mountains, change lives and heal your life and world.
Criticism...
Criticism literally registers as physical pain in the brain, triggering fight or flight chemicals as if having been attacked by a predator. It doesn't matter whether its from someone or from yourself, it registers the same and is the number one shut off switch for trust in relationships with others and self.
Ownership...
Ownership. The death of relationship. Every thing we feel we can loose, we attempt to own. Including people. The truth is however, we can never own anything but ourselves. When we can realize that, then and only then can we relate to others. Until then its just our souls attempt to show us the prisons we build for ourselves, so we may set ourselves free. Want to relate? Have a relationship? Drop the prison walls of all things inauthentic, untrue and limiting to who you really are. Now, that's relating for real. Anything else is just school under the nursery tree.
Spiritual reward
There is no reward for walking a spiritual path. No lotto winning, no fairytail relationship, no ultimate "outcome". Spirituality merely puts us in contact with the flow of life, its laws and behavior. What we make of it is our choice. The biggest lie out there we can swallow and waste years of our life on is the "if I do good, I will be rewarded". Now you know. How does that change the way you live, think and feel....
Real love vs the other version
Love, everyone says they want it. The reality is they want a person to coddle them, tell them their awesome, beautiful, sexy, strong, intelligent etc pay their bills, fuck their brains out, clean their house and well in general be a multi-use acquisition, that they own, to do for them, what they will not do for themselves and then wonder why shit goes south. Hey there, love is not a person, place or thing. It cannot be owned and it cannot magically make everything all better. Here is what it really is: its total acceptance of yourself and the world including it's people, as they are, right now. Its a way of living, thinking and feeling. Its an energy of thriving, of peace and power, of happiness. Its giving to oneself and then sharing companionship, its understanding others because you've been there. Its setting standards of living, honesty and ethics. Its treating others well and with respect, that they too, can handle their shit, like equals. Its being a guiding light, lighting up their blindness so they can see and do for themselves. Its genuine kindness, patience and caring, connection and open-hearted intimacy. So if your looking to GET SOMETHING from "love", give it to yourself and then share with those who are doing the same. This isn't selfishness, this is love. An empty well cannot share its water with anyone. Remember that.
Destiny and Fate
Destiny and Fate. What two odd concepts. Most people relate to them as the same thing. They are not. They are two distinctly different concepts. Destiny is the highest calling of your life that you are called to fulfill. Destiny's call can only be answered by your free will and your actions to follow it. It is driven by the longing of your soul. Fate, on the other hand is what you have accepted as inevitable and thus it projects your life experiences and possible 'end'. It is a prison to a degree in that if you believe certain things cannot be changed, then, that becomes your fate. However, fate can be changed by choices. So Destiny is the CALL to your ultimate self and life path, where as Fate is what we accept and can very much change.
Sex internal...
We all seek love, romance and passion. Its like a deep underground river in our soul that we follow, feeling its tug and pull, looking for someone to show us how to get to it, how to feel it, how to express it. We look so much for the 'lover', we struggle, we feel alone, we get bitter, lost in our heads, not understanding the lover we seek is the lover within. We don't understand the lover without, can only come into our life when we have connected and are expressing this inner lover. Our relationship with this inner lover is expressed in the relationships we are in, have had and will experience. How good or bad we deem each relationship is a direct correlation to our own relationship with our inner lover. Which at first might seem depressing to many of us and a down right 'fuck this shit, I'm done' moment for some others. The really neat thing about this however, is we can use our ex's, breakups and other experiences to fix our relationship with our inner lover and directly effect who we attract into our lives. We are in control of what we experience, if only we take up the proverbial steering wheel of our own lives. So let me translate a few things for us, to show what the longings we experience are trying to tell us...
The Kiss. For many women and men this is a big one. Its draw is a longing in the heart and body like no other, that perfect moment when all is right in the world. The Kiss is a call to the first taste of authenticity, where for the first time you touch the authentic you and accept it wholeheartedly, with no reserve and you commune with you as you are without the expectations that you have carried since birth. How you seek this is by acceptance of yourself.
The Embrace. The Embrace is about letting down the walls ie the lies you have been told about yourself, and coming into contact with your authentic self. It is holding your needs, desires and self close to your heart and above all else. It is the grasping of who you really are and loving unconditionally every aspect of the authentic you. It is the showing of affection, the acceptance and allowance of this part of yourself to heal fully and express itself through your feelings and honoring of those feelings as valid and worthy.
The Touch. The Touch of the lover is the exploration, the getting to know who you are and what you are capable of. The 'hands on' actively working with this part of yourself. The acknowledgment, the listening and even more importantly the action physically in this world to validate and fulfill your honored needs, desires and Soul in this world. In doing this we experience pleasure and passion for ourselves and our life.
The Penetration. Penetration is joining of your masculine and feminine energies, selves and passive/aggressive actions into a whole to create the life you are desiring. It is Creation. It is becoming whole and undivided. It is the acceptance that both the receptive and giving parts of self are equally engaged, together in a dance of balanced expression. It is the tapping into the energy frequency, the energetic source of life. It is the use of both passive and aggressive energies and the harnessing of those to create the building of the new life we desire through contact, listening and actions to express our inner lover.
While there are many more aspects to the inner lover, some of which explore the shadow side of the lover who has been rejected, parts of which have been tied up in bondage, punished and twisted into unfamiliar forms, starting with the four basic elements of meeting and merging with our inner lover is the crucial four steps we must take to have a physical relationship take form in any way that is healthy, satisfying or long term.
If you are desiring to know how you can personally apply these to your life and in which ways you are not your own lover and how to fix that, contact me for a soul consultation tarot reading to get the meeting process started in your own love life. I would love to work with you to create your own bridge to learning to love your authentic self and creating a working love life in the 'real' world.
Exchange...
The only way to let those things that enslave you go, is to exchange them for those things that free you. To let sadness go, you must let joy in by focusing on the present, for sadness dwells in the past. To let fear go, you must let the familiar leave, to be replaced by the unknown and trust that all will be well. You cannot change without exchange. Without the exchange nothing moves. If you remove a negative and do not replace it with a positive, it's absence will be replaced by the same thing for you did not choose to exchange, merely empty. Life abhors a vacuum, choose wisely what you will exchange, for what you do not need. If you do not choose, it's absence will be filled with what you have not chosen. By choice you pick. Without choice there is no exchange and all remains the same, repeated, until a choice is made.
On others...
You cannot change someone's opinion of you. Their opinion will be based on their version of "facts", their ego, their "past" experiences, their social "status", their opinion of themselves and the particular image that they work so hard to maintain. They will judge you better or lower then themselves and treat you accordingly. Now how is that going to effect you? Are you going to try to warp yourself to "fit in"? Try to show them they are wrong or mis-judging you? You could, but what a waste of time, energy and presence. Instead allow them their choices and path, they are on a path to learn as well. Take your focus off of them and simply be YOU. The only beneficial opportunity someone like this presents, is to examine why; if you have an EMOTIONAL reaction, you did so, ie, self work to know what triggered the emotional reaction- your only responsibility in this situation. You cannot change another but you can change to become more and more the authentic you. Those who admire, support and enjoy you, your gifts and life, those are the ones who love you, because they know you without assumptions, without your "shiny" on and love you still.
Creating debts...
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Self sacrifice to store up value points with our lovers, kids etc and then used to control, manipulate and guilt them into doing what we want, creates hatred, rebellion, anger, mistrust and ill will. It's not love, it's usary. This comes from holding ourselves at a low value. It is the number one cause of "the nice guy/girl" syndrome and the failure to relate. Creating debts by self martyrdom is a number one victim move. Know your value, exchange only with those who will engage you in it, ie share and take responsibility for your own needs and clearly communicating those needs. Usary and debt have no place in a healthy relationship, if these are going on, then this relationship is being used as a security blanket and a defense against self responsibility. In these relationships, there are massive amounts of denial, guilt, snipping, anger, manipulation, abuse etc. This toxic environment breeds the "vampire" / victim cycle.
Self sacrifice to store up value points with our lovers, kids etc and then used to control, manipulate and guilt them into doing what we want, creates hatred, rebellion, anger, mistrust and ill will. It's not love, it's usary. This comes from holding ourselves at a low value. It is the number one cause of "the nice guy/girl" syndrome and the failure to relate. Creating debts by self martyrdom is a number one victim move. Know your value, exchange only with those who will engage you in it, ie share and take responsibility for your own needs and clearly communicating those needs. Usary and debt have no place in a healthy relationship, if these are going on, then this relationship is being used as a security blanket and a defense against self responsibility. In these relationships, there are massive amounts of denial, guilt, snipping, anger, manipulation, abuse etc. This toxic environment breeds the "vampire" / victim cycle.
What fear is...
Fear is a tool. It whispers in your heart all things that keep you being authentic, unapologetic, unhappy, lost, confused, alone and unloved. It is your friend if you use it to find the source of your suffering. It is your enemy if you allow it to freeze you in your old patterns. Fear is merely a feeling telling you, you should be afraid of what you are doing to yourself. Nothing less, nothing more. How you respond to it's warning and wisdom, determines it's usefulness to you and your life.
The ultimate defense...
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An open heart is the ultimate defense against those who will not stand in it's purifying light. There are no shadows in an open heart and those that hide their secrets and shame, will never walk into it's exposure, for to an open heart, all is known. Only a closed and fearful heart provides shadows, lies and illusions enough to hide within.
The pedestal...for 2015
For years I have had an aversion to others putting me on a pedestal. I hated it when that happened. I was terrified of it. I always believed that a pedestal could be broken and those standing upon it would fall eventually. What I just recently broke in my life was this: only a pedestal made of lies can be broken for it's like a foundation made of sand, it shifts, changes and fails due to it's very nature. What is built on lies will fall, every time. What is built on truth cannot fall, for it is built on a foundation of stone, solid and unchanging. It will not fall because by it's very nature is unchanging. A person put on a pedestal of truth is able to reach further., to be seen by more, to give hope and clarity to more. Their light is like a lighthouse. This is the difference between an idol and an icon. One is false and it's glitz and glamour will one day meet it's end when the truth comes out. The other withstands the tests of time, weathering every storm, standing taller and brighter, a beacon of hope to those struggling in darkness...so on this new years eve, I am grateful for the healing that allows me to release the defenses of my heart and the fear of being truly seen by many. In this new year may our hearts be wide open, our lights held high and may we illumine a new world of hope and love
Simply you...
If I had to strip you of all your shadows and wash you in the oceans of your heart. If I had to dream you a star, a compass for your soul or sculpt a lover from your own flesh. If I painted life into the world with the blood beat of your vibration, or breathed power into your words of making. If I cooked you a feast from the bones of your being or loved you from your place of knowing. The world would bloom in fields of passion, drown in secret wisdom, falling into ecstasy. If I could open you for one moment to the truth of your being, you would behold divinity in your essence and drop to your knees in worship of the whole world, simply as yourself.
- Hannah Ingraham -
2014
Alignment...
When the time is right. When you are ready. When you won't destroy what you want from ignorance. It will happen. Circumstances will align. You will have no doubt. It will feel right. Until then get to know yourself. Find understanding, for with understanding, you will find acceptance and with acceptance comes love and with love, alignment.
Moving beyond...
I imagine every person I meet as myself and I treat them, respect them, feel for them, care and love them as myself. This takes me out past my petty small minded victim absorbed pieces of self I'm still working on and allows me to be generous, open and accepting. This is aligning yourself with love.
On why we focus...
When we love, there is no doubt that we love another. We feel it, we know it and sometimes it seems like we can be a lil' bit obsessed to others. Especially when things with the one we love, are not exactly right. Maybe she's just not as giving, or he's not listening etc etc. The problem comes when we are told to just walk away. We have those moments of doubt where we feel like maybe we are just a little crazy, we know things aren't right but we stay because we love them. So let me explain a little. Your not crazy, obsessed etc, what you are, is strongly having your soul demand you look at something. Your soul is putting it up in your face: this is how you should love yourself. You see any time you love another, you begin to know your capability to love. You find you generosity, your thankfulness, your openness, your worth all reflected back at you via another person. Its enchanting, that reflection and like all reflections, they are just that, not real. Our problem begins when we want that reflection to validate and return our feelings and actions. When they don't we start to obsess, to try to figure it out, to bend or twist ourselves into what might make 'them' respond to us. Our reflection starts to push us away, to ignore us, even scream at us etc. With this push, we are asked, 'ok' you know love would not do this, why are you doing this to yourself- ie neglecting yourself, your soul and heart, in favor of another. So understand this, the love we feel for others, is a call to love ourselves. This call cannot bloom into real companionship or relationship, until you relate to yourself, oh it can seem like it does, temporarily, even for a few years, but eventually you will have to turn and look closely at yourself for any real growth to happen. The point in relationships, is to be able to have a healthy differentiation between giving and receiving. We are taught in this society that we give, give, give, to others and they will give, give, give to us. When they don't reciprocate, hard feelings begin to drive a wedge. Here's the thing, give to others as you would give to yourself, but make sure you give to yourself as well. And when I say give, I mean, consider your feelings, your instincts, your needs, your desires, your time to yourself, your passions, your hobbies, your work, your calling in life... If you exclusively give to the other but neglect yourself in any its forms, the relationship will reflect it to teach and heal that behavior if your willing and paying attention. Also on the flip side is to receive. Now receiving for a lot of people is not acceptable, they're stuck in the 'I'm strong' mode, where they desperately desire but will not receive it because to receive it, they would have to show they desire it ie
'weakness' or need. So when in a relationship, be sure to have both happening, for yourself first to help drive your reflection ie your physical experience and once your internal balance is found, you can work on keeping the external balanced as well. So when in a relationship that is not quite right, ask yourself where you give yourself the treatment your significant other is giving you. Where are you neglecting, being dishonest, selfish, cheating on yourself, running away, not communicating, being an asshole or a bitch and why, where are you absent, where are you filling needs through addictions ie every way but the right way, where are you not keeping you commitments, where are you not being affectionate and creative (cuddling and sex) etc etc. For every negative in a relationship, there is an internal answer you can find. Fix it by doing whats right for yourself ie giving what your need to yourself in a balanced and healthy way, you'll know, listen to your gut. So when relationships are going good or bad, pay attention, they directly reflect your inner state both for you and for the person you are relating to.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
For the Women...with Love
For the Women:
So I want to explain why you are not, if your not, experiencing "good men". More importantly how your energetic alignment ie the ways you think about yourself, particularly your masculine lover self, are effecting your relationship experience in the physical.
Do you put you first, most important in your life? Do you care for yourself and believe that without you the world would be less? Do you include logic and EMOTION in your life or do you exclude one to a degree do you can 'control' your life and others? Do you honor your feelings and trust their message? Do you honor your instincts and act on them? Do you include all parts of yourself in your waking life? Do you honor, trust, communicate and even more have you connected with your masculine energy? Do you have an intimate relationship with your spiritual masculine self? Have you meditated and went to meet him, to see him and talk to him and more importantly to listen. If your experiencing negative male interactions, your masculine self is angry, rejected, used and abused, manipulated, loved and left, told to just stop being a pussy, a boy and be a man, told to give but not honored, respected or TRUSTED, he is demanded to provide all of the love for you that you won't give yourself, fulfill all your needs, desires, attention, compliments, be there when you want, cuddle you, coddle you, make love to you, fuck you, kiss your feet, open doors but you never reciprocate. You need to reciprocate to your masculine self. You NEED, he NEEDS to be trusted, honored, respected and more importantly LOVED unconditionally. YOU need to Receive what your masculine self and energy has to give you. If you will not receive this, this part of yourself, the men in your physical life will respond to the energy alignment you have chosen to experience. If you view them negatively in any way, you are attuning your energy to manifest that view in your life. You WILL experience that. You WILL see only that. With that belief you have chosen to experience the masculine in whichever negative way you view them. Now you do this, because your SOUL is your healer and needs you to understand WHY you have chosen that negative view. Best way for your Soul to teach you, is through the life your focused on the most, your physical life. It will use your alignment to teach you. Think about that. If you don't like your experience of men in your physical life, you can change that. You can change it by changing you. You only perceive what you believe. You ONLY manifest your OWN inner masculine man and energy. So I challenge every women who reads this article, to sit down, take an hour for yourself. I don't care what excuses you have made about being to busy or your kids or whatever it might be that's keeping you from aligning with yourself, set them down, make time. Run a bath, light some candles, some incense, use some essential oils that jive with you, soak and meditate, go let the worries go, let the anger go. Now imagine in your head, your masculine self. Let him become what he is. He will be angry, he'll be an asshole because of that. He will not want to talk to you. He might try to walk away. He might slap you. DON"T run and don't let him run. HE is part of YOU. Its your mind and soul. First apologize to him. Tell him you are here to make peace. Tell him you are here to learn to love him. Ask him to teach you and talk to you. Be receptive, he is not the enemy, you are. Continue this until he responds. Talk honestly to him about what you have experienced and ASK him why this is happening. LISTEN to what he has to say. You WILL cry. You will be angry at the treatment you have inflicted on this part of yourself. You will feel his sadness and frustration. You will in this moment begin to understand a man. You will in this moment begin to understand yourself. You will in this moment begin to understand just how much you are the cause and what you can do to align your life experience with your authentic self. Now GO, make a DATE once a week with just you and your masculine self. Meet, talk, laugh, heal. Every. Single. Week. Just you and him. Talk to him in your head every day. Ask his advice, be receptive to it. Act on it. Its a learning process. You have to establish a relationship with your masculine self, so you will align to relate with the men in your physical life. This is your goal. I am inviting you to step up your active participation and create. I am inviting you to learn to love yourself and learn to love men as well.
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