When we love, there is no doubt that we love another. We feel it, we know it and sometimes it seems like we can be a lil' bit obsessed to others. Especially when things with the one we love, are not exactly right. Maybe she's just not as giving, or he's not listening etc etc. The problem comes when we are told to just walk away. We have those moments of doubt where we feel like maybe we are just a little crazy, we know things aren't right but we stay because we love them. So let me explain a little. Your not crazy, obsessed etc, what you are, is strongly having your soul demand you look at something. Your soul is putting it up in your face: this is how you should love yourself. You see any time you love another, you begin to know your capability to love. You find you generosity, your thankfulness, your openness, your worth all reflected back at you via another person. Its enchanting, that reflection and like all reflections, they are just that, not real. Our problem begins when we want that reflection to validate and return our feelings and actions. When they don't we start to obsess, to try to figure it out, to bend or twist ourselves into what might make 'them' respond to us. Our reflection starts to push us away, to ignore us, even scream at us etc. With this push, we are asked, 'ok' you know love would not do this, why are you doing this to yourself- ie neglecting yourself, your soul and heart, in favor of another. So understand this, the love we feel for others, is a call to love ourselves. This call cannot bloom into real companionship or relationship, until you relate to yourself, oh it can seem like it does, temporarily, even for a few years, but eventually you will have to turn and look closely at yourself for any real growth to happen. The point in relationships, is to be able to have a healthy differentiation between giving and receiving. We are taught in this society that we give, give, give, to others and they will give, give, give to us. When they don't reciprocate, hard feelings begin to drive a wedge. Here's the thing, give to others as you would give to yourself, but make sure you give to yourself as well. And when I say give, I mean, consider your feelings, your instincts, your needs, your desires, your time to yourself, your passions, your hobbies, your work, your calling in life... If you exclusively give to the other but neglect yourself in any its forms, the relationship will reflect it to teach and heal that behavior if your willing and paying attention. Also on the flip side is to receive. Now receiving for a lot of people is not acceptable, they're stuck in the 'I'm strong' mode, where they desperately desire but will not receive it because to receive it, they would have to show they desire it ie
'weakness' or need. So when in a relationship, be sure to have both happening, for yourself first to help drive your reflection ie your physical experience and once your internal balance is found, you can work on keeping the external balanced as well. So when in a relationship that is not quite right, ask yourself where you give yourself the treatment your significant other is giving you. Where are you neglecting, being dishonest, selfish, cheating on yourself, running away, not communicating, being an asshole or a bitch and why, where are you absent, where are you filling needs through addictions ie every way but the right way, where are you not keeping you commitments, where are you not being affectionate and creative (cuddling and sex) etc etc. For every negative in a relationship, there is an internal answer you can find. Fix it by doing whats right for yourself ie giving what your need to yourself in a balanced and healthy way, you'll know, listen to your gut. So when relationships are going good or bad, pay attention, they directly reflect your inner state both for you and for the person you are relating to.
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